🔗 Share this article

At times, Jay Spring is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you tell yourself, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I stand above others … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

In his case, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are usually succeeded by a “sudden low”, during which he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his conduct, rendering him especially susceptible to disapproval from those around him. He first suspected he might have NPD after looking up his traits on the internet – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. Yet, he is skeptical he would have taken the label unless he had independently formed that conclusion on his own. “If you try to tell somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they experience a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they made for themselves. And that world is like, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

While people have been called narcissists for more than a century, the meaning can be ambiguous what is meant by the label. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” says a psychology professor, noting the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he notes many people conceal it, as there is so much stigma associated with the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through things like displaying material goods,” the specialist explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in NPD Presentation

Though a significant majority of people identified as having narcissistic personality disorder are men, findings points out this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the covert form, which is often overlooked. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” notes a young adult who discusses her co-occurring conditions on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Individual Challenges

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she explains, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I either go into self-protection or I withdraw entirely.” Even with this behavior – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her loved ones, as she strives not to return into the negative conduct of her earlier years. My past relationships were toxic to my partners in my youth,” she reveals. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she says she and her partner “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, when I use toxic language, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples during development. I’ve had to teach myself over the years which behaviors are suitable or harmful to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me growing up,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were insulting me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Conditions like NPD tend to be associated with childhood challenges. “There is a genetic component,” explains a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “linked to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those same mechanisms as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “acceptable.

As he grew older, none of his relationships lasted. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he admits. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was in fact, her who first suspected he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his GP, he was directed to a mental health professional for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been referred for therapeutic sessions through national services (ongoing counseling is the main intervention that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: It was indicated it is probably going to be in a few months.”

John has only told a small circle about his NPD diagnosis, because “negative perceptions are widespread that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he says. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are pursuing treatment for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the diagnosis. But the growth of NPD content creators and the rise of virtual networks point to {more narcissists|a growing number